I see you. I know it’s hard to get up every day and get yourself ready as quickly as possible so that you have time to savor just the few moments you’ll get with your baby before you leave the house. I see you checking your phone at work, wondering if your baby’s fever has broken yet. I see you speeding by on your way home hoping to get those baby cuddles in before she’s fallen to sleep.
I hear you. I hear the sad sighs and understand the tears you cry in your office alone when a picture update from the babysitter unexpectedly shatters you. I hear the “I’m sorry I have to work” when you’re invited to midweek play dates and events that you’re longing to take your baby to. I hear you gathering your pumping supplies for another impersonal and lonely session.
I feel you. The exhaustion of “doing it all” but feeling as though you’re doing nothing with real excellence. The guilt that creeps in because you’ve missed pickup time or bedtime due to a work deadline or looming project. The late night google searches asking “Is it ok to feed my baby a quesadilla every night” because you literally can’t fathom cooking something at the end of the workday.
I am with you. When nails haven’t been done in ages, roots are grown out and eyes look incredibly tired. Feeling tied to your desk during the week and then unwilling to leave your baby on the weekends, even if to be pampered. The to-do’s and pressure of overdue dental appointments, returns that need to be completed, baby wellness appointments needing to be scheduled, birthday gifts to buy, thank you cards to write, dry cleaning to drop off, groceries that need to be bought, home projects that are undone, it can feel never ending.
I get you. The sting of missing play dates with friends and their kids. Mommy and me groups you can’t attend, the salt in the wound when you hear others complain of being tired and yet, your plate often feels 15x as full.
I am you.
As hard as it is sometimes, I also understand the pride you feel for what you’ve accomplished. I commend the strength that you have to keep going and stay positive through weeks that often feel like years. I applaud your commitment to doing what you have to do (or **WANT** to do), even when it is difficult. Motherhood isn’t smooth sailing, and there are certainly days I can’t wait to run out the door to my “day job” but there are many that I drag myself away misty eyed wondering whether I’m doing the “right” thing.
I don’t know what the silver lining is. But, I do know that you and I are in good company. So, when you read this, take a deep breath, and remember:
You are not alone mama, we are with you. WE SEE YOU.
Love, another (work outside the home) mama doing her best every day, just like you.