It’s a pleasure to finally see your face. I have known you for weeks now and you are more beautiful than I could have ever imagined. Your smell soothes my soul and warms my heart. I have heard your beautiful voice and have been wrapped in your warm, dark, nourishing womb for 40 weeks. You have carried me 24/7, you have fed me when I am hungry, I have slept when I am tired as your movements rock me to sleep throughout your busy day. The vibrations of your daily activities have become my rhythm inside your perfect womb.
I haven’t seen a bright light, felt a scratchy diaper or felt my head being squeezed into a onesie. I hear other voices in the background but none as strong as yours. I feel perfect at all times. I am blissful. I don’t have any uncomfortable gas or need to worry about a bowel movement. I don’t have to work at latching on your breast in order to obtain nourishment. I don’t have to do anything at all except curl up comfortably in your heaven.
Now that I am here, please understand that I am new to this world. The world that you have had dozens of years to master is brand new to me. My world has traumatically gone from pure comfort to overwhelming pressure. This new world is filled with bright lights and loud noises with people poking and prodding at me. Where my body has no control over its movements and I am in distress most of the time. Please go easy on me. Please hold me as I adjust to being separate from you. Please rock me to sleep as you have been doing my entire existence up until this point. Please feed me when I am hungry. When I am crying, please know it is the only voice I have to tell you something is wrong. Please talk to me as you try and figure out what my cries mean. I wish I could tell you in words so it wasn’t so frustrating and overwhelming for you.
I know you feel isolated, mommy. I know your world has changed overnight. I know you are more exhausted than you ever thought possible and I know you couldn’t ever have imagined what that would physically feel like. I know you didn’t expect life would be this way after my arrival. I know you are scared. I know it feels like you are the only one in the world awake throughout the night, but you are not alone. You are joined by all of the other new mommies around the world who are also adjusting to this new life. You are all heroes.
As my brain develops I will be able to do more on my own, but for now, I am not capable of doing anything for myself. You will need to do everything for me. I promise to tell you when I need something and I promise I won’t manipulate you. I will never get spoiled by your arms holding me. You can never love me too much.
One day I will learn how to put myself to sleep and this bone-chilling exhaustion you feel will be in your past. But for now, please understand that I might need to sleep close to you because I know no different. Sleeping flat on my back on a hard surface is brand new to me. My body just wants to curl up into a little ball and be in your perfect womb but I cannot. It is going to take time to adjust.
Mommy, please understand that everything you do for me is for a reason. An unbelievable, beautiful reason. You see, as you respond to my needs, I will learn the world is a safe place and I can trust I will be cared for. I will feel loved. I will seek out relationships that are mutually respectful and meaningful. I will understand my needs are important and that I am special and valued in this big, scary world.
In a few short weeks you will see my first smile and it will melt your heart. It will feel as though it has all been worth the long nights and loneliness. Once you see that first one, they will never stop and I will smile at you every time I see your beautiful face. I will giggle at the silliest things and you will feel like the funniest comedian that ever walked the earth. You will feel loved because you ARE loved. By me. Unconditionally loved by me because I have learned it from you.
So mommy…please have empathy for me as we go through this journey together. I promise it will get better.
All my love,
Your new baby